What’s an adequate, nice, and lousy pastor appreciation gift?
It's that time of year and inquiring minds want to know
It’s pastor appreciation month, and generally, I am for it.
~1000 words - 4 minutes, but you might get an idea. And a photo at the bottom that is an instant classic!
I think some parachurch group invented this month with the best intentions and maybe some self-interest. It rolls around regularly, and I get asked: “What should we do for our pastor?”
I recently asked our weekly forum calls for Executive Pastors and Senior Pastors to get a good list. Mind you, this is a small sample. I added to it things I had seen over the years. The question was: What was an adequate gift, a nice gift, and a lousy gift?
A few initial notes:
I am not talking about retirement gifts or one-time appreciation.
I am also not describing the regular occurrence in many of the “pastor anniversary gifts” in many church culture churches. These annual cash gifts can be as much as half a pastor’s compensation.
Instead, I am describing the gifts that mostly come from church attendees during this month or in December when someone wants to give a small thank you to their pastor with the best of intentions.
I had conversations with LARGE church pastors, and the consensus was: We try not to do this during October in our church because we have such a large staff. They still get handed some things, but they try to ignore them or just have a general announcement that says – we appreciate all of you.
Christmas looks a little different, often with a year-end gift given to all staff or all pastors.
In addition, the consensus was that smaller church pastors are more deserving of these gifts because their compensation is probably less, and they need to be cared for in appropriate ways. That sounds right to me as well. And often, a small group in a smaller congregation can get together to do something nice for their pastor.
Here are the categories and responses:
ADEQUATE – I had no person that volunteered an “Adequate, but not nice” suggestion.
A few started to suggest something, but ten just said, “when you understand the intent, it just becomes nice that the parishioner would think about me.”
The NICE category had more support.
A meal at a nice restaurant or gift card for a chain restaurant.
A post on social media that said – “I appreciate my pastor and their work.”
As one pastor commented: “Kind words go a long way with me.”
A two-night air BnB stay at a place a few hours away.
A few pastors said that the most meaningful were kind words in a handwritten note or cards. (not sure Hallmark has these cards, but they probably have a tv movie about it!)
A Baptist pastor said he had been given a bottle of wine, which was really nice, but then held it up to the camera to show it was still unopened. Several from other traditions said to mail it to them.
On one pastor’s 20th church anniversary, he said an attendee gave he and his wife a cruise, which was very nice.
Others mentioned that attendees gave them a “gift certificate” to use their second home, cabin, or lake place for a week of their choice. “Even though we haven’t done that much, it meant a lot they would offer something like that.”
One mentioned that a parishioner gave him and his son a day with a fishing guide.
Tickets to an area sporting event. ( same could be said for theater, music events, etc.)
I have known in a few communities where pastors were given hunting rifles and one where a female pastor was given a handgun! Not recommending it, just sharing.
Gifts of food and food baskets got mixed reviews. Some said they were appreciated. Others said that when they got a basket shipped to them, they always brought it into the office to share with other staff.
For the LOUSY category…see after the ad.
Much of today’s article is based on our hilarious weekly senior pastor happy hour conversations. If you are a senior pastor of a larger church, apply for an invite by connecting with Linda.Stanley@generis.com.
And this month’s webinar on demand is still available here.
NINE Basic things every pastor should know about eventual pastor succession.
It’s easy to click through and watch the 10-minute talk.
The LOUSY gifts:
These generally fell into laughter more than lousy. Everyone said: “I know they are trying to be kind, and I hate to say this, but……..”
One held up a “Jesus candle.” As near as I can tell, it was a big candle with a representation of Jesus on it. Are you supposed to burn that?
That fits with the largest category of “Jesus junk.” “You know, the items you see in the flea market or gift store with Bible verses or some statement about Jesus. If I don’t pick it out, I am not going to hang it up. Why do people think I need more things like that?”
I once knew of a pastor that received a cassette album with 20 sermons from a famous preacher (who happened to live in the same region), with a genuine comment from his parishioner: “I knew you would love to hear these.” The pastor didn’t know if he was being appreciated or should be offended.
Of course, since I said cassette, you know how long ago that was. And they ended up quickly in the church library with other cassette albums. Last I asked, they had yet to be checked out.
Chuck Carter had a few great answers that could have been considered lousy but turned out special.
“When I first got here years ago, and the church was smaller, one of the kid’s classes had each kid make a note and scrawl something on them. After glancing at it, I take all that stuff and throw it in a bin. I was cleaning out some of those bins recently and found four notes from kids who, twenty years later, are on our staff. I was able to give it to them. That was a special moment for me and them.”
Chuck also shared this photo. Chuck is known for his disdain for felines, which is frequently mentioned. A renowned artist in their church painted this picture once as a joke. Classic.
How about you? What would be in your ADEQUATE, NICE, and LOUSY category? In a future issue, I will share some (without attribution to protect the innocent).
Send it to me by hitting reply to this email.