GRIND: Navigating Guilt, Relentlessness, Isolation, Neglect, and Depletion in Leadership
Understanding the Hidden Challenges of Ministry and Finding a Path to Renewal
~946 words - three minutes
“It’s been a real grind the past two years. I am not sure I can make it much longer as an effective leader here.”
These words came from a seasoned, respected pastor, a man of unwavering dedication. He had spent over 15 years leading his current church, not as the founder, but as a pivotal figure in shaping a great team. Under his leadership, the church experienced significant growth and outreach to its community.
While the Covid season had taken its toll on some key progress indicators, the church was clearly in a new season. Some of the former success tactics did not yield the same results.
“During that brief pandemic season, I was OK. I had a good reset. But now, it seems like nothing is working. Perhaps it is time for me to step out. It is just such a grind.”
In addition to his feelings, he shared:
A few key staff departures.
A marriage break up of a key lay leader he and his wife were close to socially.
The loss of a key pastor in the community who had moved to a new place and was not in as close a touch anymore.
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Sean Hurt, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
As I reflected on that conversation, the word “grind” kept lodging a brainworm in my head. I think here is some of what was going on:
G – Guilt-driven service
This pastor feels personally responsible for everyone’s spiritual well-being. His current memory has erased many of the good things from the past, where people have been helped, served, and saved!
He feels his board has high, unexpressed expectations of him and also focuses on the things not going well. [This is often not true, by the way – Boards realize that “life happens” and can have good encouragement skills.]
R – Relentless Pace
At the tenure mark this pastor had reached, combined with his age, he was close to what we used to call at Leadership Network, “the wall.”
The wall is the natural barrier of overcommitting to activities, meetings, pastoral care, team leadership, and family issues combined with the perspective that “the preaching/teaching ministry revolves around my strengths and gifts.”
Add that with age and a bit of natural physical fitness decline, and one can see the wall coming fast.
People either find ways around the wall or splat right into it.
I wish I had a math calculation and could quantify a score here so that once one exceeds a certain number, we could better predict it. But I don’t.
I – Isolation
In my view, this is the most significant indicator of GRIND. He had lost one of his vital outside friends and ministry partners in the community. While the other pastor served a smaller congregation, he understood the challenges of ministry well.
While his spouse was a great help and friend, that is a different relationship with different needs.
While some staff can also play these roles, those relationships can be tenuous due to supervisor roles.
When I was at Leadership Network, we started our LifeStage Leadership Communities to combat some of this isolation. With our director team, we also tried to listen to these leaders.
I hope to offer some of these advisory services with my team through the new advisory services starting in 2025 through the Multiplied Momentum program. [More on that later]
Story continues after this ad for a great church seeking a new leader!
I am pleased to share another client post for a fantastic church seeking its next pastor.
Soma Church - Midtown is located in the Broad Ripple area of Indianapolis, Indiana.
This church is:
Full of young families who are striving to live out the gospel.
Bursting at the seams with growth.
Committed to its community and building church community.
In an area with affordable new housing for a pastor.
This church fits well in this diverse, trendy, eclectic area and has tapped the code of Practicing the Way of Jesus for the Life of the World.
It has quickly become one of my favorite churches in the country.
Story continues….
N – Neglecting Self Care
Your mental, physical, and spiritual health needs must be balanced with the congregation’s.
That scale must be balanced over time. Sure, sometimes the weight will be heavy on the congregation side, but one must balance that with your replenishment and restoration.
As I work with Senior Pastor Smart Succession ™ clients at advanced ages, one of the discoveries is that they have all had medical physicals within the past year. Most have had a vacation in the past six months. Most get enough sleep. Most have a vital devotional and prayer life that fits their personality and makeup. THAT’S WHY THEY HAVE MADE IT TO THIS AGE AND STAGE OF MINISTRY.
We got different answers when we worked with pastors at the “mid-stage” of their pastorates at Leadership Network and asked the same questions. Most had not done an annual medical physical. Their vacations were spotty. While they frequently attended ministry conferences with their teams, that was more work than play. And while they had team retreats to “play,” that was more mental work than a proper replenishment.
I have friends on both sides of the “sabbatical” debate – summarizing here:
Sabbaticals are good at regular intervals for unplugging and restoring.
One should balance one's pace and schedule WEEKLY, so a sabbatical is unnecessary.
I think both can be true.
D – Depletion of Purpose
Overwork, stress, and unrealistic expectations can cause us to lose sight of our calling and passion for ministry. You are going to have all three.
There are seasons when you will overwork and invest too much. You will have stress. Unrealistic expectations are universal.
I am out of silver bullets and magic wands to solve those issues.
But first, we must recognize our limits and try to address them. Speak honestly to your board about these limits. If your board is not supportive of these conversations, it may be time to train them to address them well. Yes, that is more work, but long-term, it will lead to more health.
In my next issue, we will look at GRIND from another direction and how one can, in these situations, find ways to reframe this season into one of personal depth and growth.
So the next time I write on this, it will be about the sharpening aspects of grinding!
Does any of the above ring true with you?
How does it? What could you share privately with me?
Just email me directly at dave.travis@Generis.com
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