~885 words
As I wrote last week, I keep a running dialog with several publications. When I read an article, I have to consider how this applies to my clients and my work.
The recent article: The recent article on HBR.org, “Five Traps to Avoid as You Gain Power as a Leader,” forms the framework for how I see the same trips for new church leaders. Julie Diamond, Lisa Zigarmi, and Lesli Mones need to take credit for stimulating my thinking. So, read the original here.
The main point: How people respond to your power shapes you in ways you don’t often see or realize.
They are the first two traps I analyzed here.
Now let’s look at the final ones.
Trap 3 – The Avoidance Trap
The higher you go in an organization, the more you can dump and trickle down to the layers below. You can give your input and then push it down to the leaders below you.
This is especially true if you are an avoider of conflict. Many pastors are.
Billy Oppenheimer wrote last year this story of Jerry Seinfeld:
If he ever sensed even a slight bit of discord among the cast and crew of his TV series “Seinfeld,” Jerry Seinfeld said, “I was fearless in rooting it out and solving it.” If anyone seemed to be having a problem, “I walk right up to them and go, ‘Is there a problem? Let’s talk about this.’ Because I don’t like discord. I don’t like it. I cannot stand it.” Asked where he learned this proactive approach to conflict resolution, Seinfeld said, “I don’t know…I just feel like if break the human struggle down to one word,” Jerry Seinfeld says, “it’s CONFRONT. And so, I approach everything that way.”
I wish I had followed that advice.
The authors of the HBR article ask – Does this role require me to do this? Often it is a yes.
Does Inaction hurt us worse? – Almost always.
Sidestepping dulls you to what needs to happen. ‘The emotional muscles to manage discomfort, deal with conflict, and listen with an open mind to competing points of view starts to atrophy.’
Turn towards the conflict. As Jerry Seinfeld said –go ask and then deal with it.
Story continues after the ad…
A True Story
I was out to work with a client church and had an evening free. I emailed a pastor whose church had recently had a pastor succession, but I was not their primary consultant.
I just wanted to hear how it went and what was learned.
The dinner was pleasant but not an overall victory story.
The pastor shared some challenges they had encountered during the succession and the subsequent leadership transition. It was clear that they had faced some difficult moments.
When I probed about some preparation for the transition season, the most common answer was – “Well, we didn’t do that.” The second most common answer was – “We thought we understood that aspect, but we didn’t.”
Afterward, I called the former pastor, whom I had known for 20 years. Without biasing the conversation, I just asked, “How’s it going?”
It was a bit awkward. “I think I should have called you on the front end. I believed I could do this myself.”
The good news is that the church will survive. The bad news is that it lost a lot of momentum and around 25% of its attendees in the process.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
On August 15, I will present a FREE webinar on the most common Do it Yourself Assumptions that lead to Succession Failure. It’s at noon Eastern, 11 Central, 10 Mountain, and 9 Pacific.
It’s not just for pastors and leaders within three years of a planned transition; it's also for those who anticipate this happening within the next 15 years. It is best to know the potholes and pitfalls and go into it with open eyes.
It’s all LIVE, but you must register to get the link.
Go here to register today before you forget.
THURSDAY, August 15 – NOON ET, 11 CT, and so on.
For those who attend, we will have some freebies and bonus materials.
If you want to speak more privately, just reach out.
Story continues
Trap 4 – The Friend Trap
This one impacts those who were internal candidates and became a leader over former peers and colleagues.
Your role is different now. You are expected to use your positional power.
“Misusing power is as much of an act of omission (failing to do the right thing) as it is an act of commission (doing something wrong).”
Suppose your team doesn’t see you acting to address a real issue, that leaves them confused. Holes and vacuums begin to exist and fester. Then dominant and often incompetent people step into those to create more chaos.
Everyone gets “imposter syndrome” eventually. [This will be a subject for future posts]
But you were the one placed in this role and position. The board, or church, or team saw you as the one to lead boldly into the future.
Make a peace with that.
In the Senior Pastor Smart Succession ™ process, we use a series of tools and discussions that help the internal candidate take charge with former peers and lead a group that has been working together for some time and that they have just stepped into.
Often, there are age and experience gaps. For example – a 40-year-old new Senior Pastor with ten years of experience in leading a team with a group of 50-something to 60-something leaders who have many more years of experience professionally and more tenure in that context.
Consider a framework for each initiative or project and explain how you consider each one based on its merits or lack thereof. Ask them their view and to speak freely.
But then emphasize if the decision belongs to you, you will make it.
Image by DALL-E
Trap 5 – The Stress Trap
To lead creates stress.
The weight of leadership is not getting lighter. The past few years have tended to bring a lot of turbulence and uncertainty.
There is a talk I regularly give about what brings down a pastor. I won’t quote it all here, but being an arrogant mule always does it. Being known as the angry pastor is not a plus for anyone.
Stress can create stress reactions that often harm the team and morale.
Even worse, that means that the team will want to avoid that in the future by not telling you things.
This brings other stress and anxiety into the system.
You don’t need that.
Neither does the team.
Learn to manage your stress emotions. It’s ok to say: “This has me a bit frustrated and here’s why….” But do that in an even tone.
Acknowledge that you may be unaware of all the details. Tell them that you will recover from it. Ask the team, “How can we correct this for the future? How can we ensure this doesn’t come at us again?” and ask other forward-looking questions.
Stepping up into a leader role is exciting, challenging, invigorating for a person.
People want you to lead them.
But lead them well.
Again, I am indebted to the well framed thoughts of Julie Diamond, Lisa Zigarmi, and Lesli Moes here. Find the original article from HBR here.
For all those that are just getting back from their summer break, don’t miss these past issues: